I don’t entirely understand the mentality of some of the people that come into a store to buy things. It’s like they check their sanity at the door, or even - Oops! - lock it in their cars. Half the time, they aren’t the teenagers that are the “bad” customers - it’s the full-grown, business-suit-clad, cell-phone-talking adults. Lost somewhere between my age and the age of my grandparents, they really are deceptive when they throw a tantrum like a 3-year-old in the candy aisle of the grocery store.

When I come into work, I make it a point to try to be as cheerful as possible, because - let’s face it - nobody wants to deal with a grouch. And that includes me. But when we haven’t even finished opening the doors at 10 in the morning, and I’m already hearing the chorus of “Your return policy sucks, I’m never shopping here again,” it’s a little hard to force that grin on my face. For two reasons:

1. I am barely half awake by this point
2. I don’t really personally care whether or not you ever shop here again. We have plenty of fifteen-year-olds to spend their money here, meaning that we don’t need your forty-something self to come in and buy yet another low cut, no back, slinky gold shirt.

When you try and tell me that you had to drive “ALLLLLL the way out to such-and-such a location (not even 25 miles away) only to find out that they didn’t give anything but store credit,” it leaves me baffled. While I’m smiling and saying, “No, the policy is store credit or exchange only, and the registers don’t even allow us to do anything else,” all I really want to do is laugh in your face and ask you why you “had” to drive to the other store! It’s not like I shoved you in your car at gunpoint, or even refused your return here. You never came in here! You were obviously at that other mall for a reason, because to take a trip out to a mall that you didn’t buy your top from to exchange it isn’t exactly the epitome of a genius move.

Besides, the return policy is on a sign on the register, so you saw it when you were buying that shirt. And it’s on your receipt, so don’t give me the “Well, I didn’t see the sign” excuse. It’s your fault for thinking you didn’t have to read. So when you whine and complain to me that I STILL cannot give you a refund, it’s falling on dead ears.

I’ve also taken to wondering how some of these people handle their children. You lead by example, people. Realize that, quickly, before you dig yourself further into that hypocritical hole. Every time that you throw a tantrum in my store, screaming and yelling and throwing stuff, you’re setting an example for the three-year-old in the stroller behind you. They see their parent throwing a fit, because you can’t get what you want. What do you think they’ll do next time they’re in the toy store? And how are you going to tell them to stop, and that throwing a fit doesn’t do any good, when they just saw you do that three stores over?

Sometimes I want to gather all of the customers in my store up, and set them on a big circle rug, and give them graham crackers and apple juice. Maybe they just need a nap!