Forgive me if this post is a bit fuzzy sounding, as I just woke up. But I wanted to capture this before it went away.

I dreamed that I was at Matt’s, and that he left for work. When he did, I got a call from my mom that she was getting ready to go into labor. I decided that I needed to be there, so I just left. Got in the car, drove 1400 miles to the hospital, and I was there.

After thinking that what I did was a good deed, and that they’d understand how hard it was for me to get there, the welcome I got was, well, not so welcoming. Nobody would talk to me, or anything. My dad was there, my uncle and aunt were there, and my cousin was there, which was weird, because they’re my dad’s side of the family, and, well, my parents are divorced!

Anyway, my grandparents were there (my mom’s parents) and my sisters were there, and they just kept saying horrible things to me about how I had ditched my family. Eventually, I got fed up and just left. I woke up as I was walking out the door, but I was determined. I realized how tired I was, and that it was a very long drive to make without sleeping first, but I was completely sure that it was what I wanted.

I guess that says a lot about the guilt that they’re feeding me. But at least, even in my dreams, I’ll realize that going back there won’t do me a bit of good.