The weather lately is driving me insane. I want it to be sunny and warm already. One day, it’ll be cold and there will be snow. The next day, it’ll be sunny and warm. Last night? We had a rainstorm. Yes, rain. Earlier in the week, they were expecting a snowstorm - almost a blizzard. Nope, it rained.

Once the weather gets warmer I might start walking places or try to figure out the bus system and head downtown. I really want to go downtown by myself and walk around taking photos, but I’m afraid to for some reason. I’d like to convince Matt to take the bus with me one time so I can see exactly what I need to do, where to go from, where to go to, how to get back… He’s not a fan of any of it though. He doesn’t want to walk around downtown, he hates the bus, he hates going out for no reason. So I think I’ll have to stay here. It’s nothing against him, he just doesn’t like to do it.

I think that’s another thing I need to work on. I need to be more confident and self-assured. I can’t keep depending on someone to hold my hand when I do everything, but really, right now, I have no choice. I hate being here in this “new” place and not knowing anyone or being able to do anything myself. I feel like I’m 8 years old or something.

You know how some people have a list of things to do around the house? You know, sweep, vacuum, dust, garbage, dishes, etc. Well, I have a list of things to fix about myself.

• Weight. I need to lose a lot of weight and keep it off.
• Self-confidence. I need to be able to say “I can do this” and actually believe it. About anything.
• Friends. I need to make local friends and stop being a recluse. I’m not as miserable about it as I was, but I still get lonely from time to time.
• Immigration. I need to finish this. That’s obvious, though. It’s in progress, though.

I mostly just need to start living more for myself and not waiting. What am I waiting for?