It’s that time of year again. Thanksgiving. To a lot of people, this conjures up images of turkey, mashed potatoes, yams, ham, cranberry sauce… Whatever you have every year for this big feast. For me, it helps me remember Thanksgivings when I was young. Every year we went to my dad’s mom’s house and she had a huge feast. She made it all from scratch and I was always so impressed! We’d eat dinner scattered out between the dining room and the family room and at the end of the meal we’d all sit there, stuffed, and talk about everything. My dad comes from a fairly large family so all of his siblings were there and would ask me about school, or boyfriends, or dance, or work. Then they’d get a big bowl and put all of the adults’ names in it and they’d pull for their Secret Santa. With such a big family they found it easier to buy a gift for one person and then their parents and nieces/nephews instead of buying a gift for everyone. I found it comforting and looked forward to this meal every year.

Thanksgiving for me now is different. I’m away from my family, and while they’re still getting together, it’s not the same. Everything’s changed there. My mom hasn’t been there at the family gathering since the divorce, understandably, and I’m not there. My uncle Jimmy is no longer there pinching cheeks and asking the nieces to “gimme sugar”. We’re no longer running around having tickle fights on the couch while my grandpa sleeps at the dining room table with a newspaper in front of him. The holidays make me miss my family.

Instead of feeling sad about who I’m not with at this time of year, I’d rather think about all of the things I actually am thankful for. So, here’s a list!

• Matt - He’s been there for me for the last few years through everything, and I couldn’t love him more. He’s my best friend, and he’s the person that helps keep me sane.
• My family - Emailing my mom is the highlight of the day sometimes, and she doesn’t judge my choices, but instead tells me she’s proud of me for taking such a risk in my life.
• Matt’s family - His sister is like my best friend, and his parents are so good to us here. No matter what we need they’re here to comfort us or help us or cook us supper after a long day. They’re definitely nobody to be taken for granted.
• Mew Mew - She’s my child substitute, in a way. Every day I am so thankful that we found her. She’s got a wonderful personality and actually cheers me up. Crazy that I’m talking about a cat, but it’s true!
• My friends - I have a good support system, both online and off. I have people who are there when I need them, for the most part, and it’s wonderful. I’m so grateful for each and every one of you!

Anyway, for those of you in Canada, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Don’t eat too much!

I’ve been putting a lot of thought lately into what I’m going to do once I’m able to go to school and work. I’ve tossed a lot of ideas around in my head, and I have come to the realization that if there’s anything holding me back, it’s the fact that I want to do too much. I know I want to go to school. I don’t want to end up back in retail unless it’s a part time job, and even then it’d frustrate me. I feel like I’ve dealt with my fair share of shoppers and even though I’ve found the general population is nicer here, you know people get cranky over pretty stupid things.

A few things I’ve thought of going to school for:

• Cooking - I’ve had an interest in food for a long time. I like playing with different flavours and trying different combinations and seeing the reactions of the people trying the food I make. The thing that worries me about this is that I know that with any sort of formal cooking training, I’d end up in the service industry, and I don’t know how I feel about that. I’d hate to spend all the money on cooking school (training, classes, whatever) and have it end up being just a hobby.
• Writing - I do enjoy writing. I don’t know how good I am at it, but it has always been a relaxing thing for me to get my ideas out on paper (or the computer screen, as the case may be). My big worry with this one is that I don’t know where to begin, let alone whether I’m any good at it, and so I may end up a starving artist, as the case may be.
• Editing - This is another passion of mine. The people who know me best (or even the people who’ve read my blog regularly!) know that grammar and spelling are something that I nit-pick about even in a casual context. I’m always interested in how words work together and how sentences are formed and punctuated. This is another thing that I don’t know how to get started or whether it’s even a viable job option, to be honest. I suppose it is something that could be done freelance in addition to a “real” job.
• Web Design - This one is something I know there are classes for, and something I’ve been considering even more so than the rest. I know that there’s a need for competent web designers and web programmers and I also know that it’s something I can pick up fairly quickly with the proper training. It’s obviously something I do in my spare time, so it’s not a problem of hating what I do, but rather whether I’ll be creative enough for it.
• Psychology - I actually started going to school for this right after high school, and quit when I went through some life changes and didn’t really have the opportunity to take the classes. The problem with this is that I’d have to go to a university, not the community college here, which would cost more than I really can afford at this moment. Might consider this in the future, once the money is coming in from whatever I choose to take as a career.

Does anyone else have any ideas they can think of that might be good? I know that’s a fairly open-ended question, but as I keep telling myself, I’m able to make a decision now that I’ll be satisfied with, instead of jumping into a dead-end job to make minimum wage. It’s not every day that kind of opportunity comes around, so I don’t want to take it for granted!

Apparently, in this case, I fail. For the past few days, I’ve been tearing my hair out trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with my computer, and why it wouldn’t let me go to certain websites (online banking being one of them). Then, I discovered that my MSN wouldn’t log me in on Trillian, and that made me want to pull my hair out! I then tried to download the actual MSN messenger (Live? MSN? Windows? Who knows, they keep changing it!) and install it, and that wouldn’t work.

All this time, and I sat here like an idiot, trying to figure it out. Matt sits down for a few minutes, tests a couple small things, and then realizes it’s my date. He did a few things to my computer about a week or so ago, and it reset the date. I knew it had, so I changed the month, day, and time back, but apparently forgot to do the year! My computer thought it was 2003, so none of the security certificate things for websites worked. What a dummy I am!

Matt and I rearranged the bedroom over the past few days, and it’s already feeling awesome in here. Lots of space and light and it just fits much much better! I’ve posted some photos on my flickr, but you can only see them if you’re set to a friend or family member. But it’s wonderful!

On a whim the other day, Matt and I decided to make a trek over to Chapters and pick up some books. He got some geeky ones, I got some girly ones.

I’m in the middle of Remember Me right now and I’m loving it! It reminds me of Samantha Who? in a way. Fantastic show, by the way. I’m a fan of shows that are either narrated (like Sex and the City) or have mini-titles (like this one!). Anyway, back to the book. I’ve got all of the Shopaholic books and the Undomestic Goddess so I had to have this one when it came out. I waited a bit and got it for quite a discount! On top of that, each of the other four books (all Red Dress Ink, by the way, my favourite kind!) was $4.99 with a 10% discount! Go go bargain shopper! It made up for Matt’s fancy programming books (which I may use someday myself!) that I don’t happen to have a photo of right now.

Right now my head is killing me, but I had to blog. Why, you ask? This is why:

“When you’re young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there’s no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?” (Sex and the City)

Do you ever stop before making a huge decision in your life and wonder “What if?” Has that ever stopped you from doing something?

I’ve made a lot of huge decisions in my life so far. When the time comes to make it, you have to weigh your options. Does the reward outweigh the risk you’re making? The biggest decision I made was the decision to move out here. Matt and I have our ups and downs like any couple, but I would never in a million years give it up. I wouldn’t move back. I wouldn’t start over. Given the chance, I wouldn’t change a thing. My husband is there for me when I need him, and is everything to me.

He’s the person I come home to on the rare occasion that I go out, and I’m the person who greets him when he comes in from work. He’s the one who surprises me with a taco salad, or makes my plate at suppertime, or smells the air and makes “yummy noises” when I cook. He’s the one who hugs me when I cry and the one who tells me everything will be alright when I get nervous.

I think back and I can’t imagine not doing this. If I hadn’t done what I did, I wouldn’t be here now. I wouldn’t be in this relationship with a man who loves me with his whole heart. I wouldn’t be finding out who I am, or working on my confidence. I don’t know what would have happened, but I do know I wouldn’t be here.

So every day, I think about my choices. I don’t wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t made them, but instead I remind myself that I made the best one for me. I am truly happy with my life this far, and how many people do you know that can say the same?