I don’t know what it is. I’m feeling cranky and angry and bitchy and rant-y… I think it’s because I’m getting sick or something. I’ve felt like crap the past few days. I can’t get past it, so I’m posting it here, I guess.

First of all, being arrogant? NOT COOL. Stop talking. Stop going on about how you know what’s going on and how to do everything, and just listen. If you’ve never fucking done this fight, you can’t possibly know how it’s going, now can you? No. So shut up and let the people who have done it explain it.

Also, I’m thinking of making a big change in my life, but I’m not sure how (or even whether) to go about it. It’s a hard decision but it will help my mental well-being immensely, and hopefully improve my social life. This being lonely and depressed all the time thing isn’t working. And to cut off rumours before they start, it has nothing to do with Matt. Matt, Elyse and Stacy are just about the only people that are keeping me sane lately.

I don’t know. Do you ever feel like you want to scream at someone for a million reasons? Like you’re claustrophobic in a room and can’t get out? I do.

I’m tired. I cleaned a bunch today, did some “farming” on my priest (I made over 300 gold today!), finished up Karazhan and pretty much spent my day alone and bored. I had a pretty rough night mentally and emotionally, but I had a couple people who helped and made me feel back on track.

There’s a lot going on in my head lately. A lot of things that I want to change about myself, but don’t have the drive, or the courage, or the opportunity. And sometimes I start out strong, and end up not-so-strong. I need to make a list of these things, but I’m going to do it somewhere privately. It’s a private thing, you know?

I think one thing that has gotten to me is feeling invisible. Right now, it’s with some raids. I’ll study an encounter, read up on it, know what is “supposed” to happen like the back of my hand, but nobody listens to my suggestions. I think it gets to me more because I dealt with this while I was working, too. I had good, organized, logical suggestions for how to fix things, but nobody listened. I really hope I can work on making myself heard.

Anyway, it’s really late (early, really, because it’s morning!) so I need some sleep. Badly. My body is very angry with me right now. My ankle is swollen, and I don’t know why. i don’t remember hitting it, but I probably did at some point.

This is a World of Warcraft rant. There, I’ve warned you. I don’t need to hear any “Oh, I know nothing about the game” things now, because you’ve been warned! (I’m being silly, not bitchy. Just so you know, haha.)

Anyway, poor Kimberia is really the reason I’m in a rut. I have a lot of decisions to make, and all of them depend on other decisions. It’s very complicated, but let me spell it out for you.

Okay, a little while back I was having some issues deciding between priest specs for her. I was shadow to level, then went to a hybrid holy/disc because I thought I’d be more useful, enjoy it more and feel like I had a place. But instead, I ended up feeling worse and went back within the same day. I’m still shadow. Full shadow.

The question I’m having now is whether to stay shadow. I want to. I enjoy doing DPS and when I’m not having to heal, I’m less prone to panic attacks. Instead of someone living being the deciding factor as to whether I’ve failed, it’s if something dies, I’ve succeeded. It just feels better and I don’t feel so responsible for someone else’s play-time.

Judging by that last paragraph, you’d think it’d be easy. You’d think, hey, you want to stay shadow, stay shadow. But if staying shadow means that I have no possibilities in the game, what’s the point?

I’m trying to figure out where my place is in my guild right now - I obviously enjoy their company very much and I loved raiding with them before The Burning Crusade came out. With the new 25-man teams, though, I feel like I have no place anywhere. I need to figure out if there’s room on a team within my guild (I believe there’s 5 different teams within the guild) for me, and whether they’ll take me as a shadow priest.

This goes on to my decisions. I need to decide between two rings from The Violet Eye. The rings can be seen here. If I’m going to be shadow, I’ll want to go the path of the Violet Mage, while if I’m going to be holy/disc and healing again, I’ll need to go the path of the Violet Restorer.

Also, visiting Shattrath City, I have a decision I’ve been putting off for far too long. I need to choose between Aldor and Scryer. If I stay shadow, it appears Aldor is the way to go. If I go holy/disc, however, I should go Scryer.

Oh, but the fun doesn’t stop there. No way. I have to choose which path of tailoring I want to take, as well. Again, it depends on my spec (which depends on my group for Karazhan). If I stay shadow, the Frozen Shadoweave set is fabulous. But, if I go holy/disc, Mooncloth is the way to go.

Is it any wonder that I have a splitting headache right now? I thought not.