I’m running around lately like a headless chicken. Not an attractive sight - especially at the end of the day when I’m exhausted and forget everything I did in a day. Plus, the things that I -want- to do at home are things that I don’t get around to, and that’s never good. But it works out in the end.

Today’s tasks are:

• Work on one of my Christmas scarves. I have about 7 more to go so the quicker I finish them, the better.
• At least one load of laundry when Matt gets home. I need to wash his work pants, or else I’d just do it now.
• Upload photos of the new car, so that I can show it off!
• Finish up a post I’ve been working on that’s been sitting in drafts for about two months now. I seriously forgot it was there, how bad is that?
• Clean up the floor behind my desk and my desk itself. What a disaster this room is now that I’m not home all the time.

Doesn’t seem like a big list, I’m sure, but to me it’s pretty daunting. I hate doing laundry these days because it’s so far down, and cleaning the room is exhausting, and uploading photos means I have to sit here and CONCENTRATE and really, how can I do that these days?

As for why I’ve been a poor headless chicken the past few weeks? Here’s exactly what my day was yesterday:

• 8:30 - Showered, got dressed, and packed up my supplies for…
• 10:15 - Coordinator picked me for a volunteer fair at MSVU. This event wasn’t too bad - lots of talking (recruiting) and a slice of pizza, and oh yeah - translating a brochure from Spanish to English for a woman that was trying to help her son get ready for his First Communion. Random? Of course.
• 2:00 - Headed to the office at Dalhousie. Made a few phone calls to get ready for today’s learner heading downtown. Filed some paperwork.
• 3:45 - Headed to one of the sites for the reading clubs to drop off some books and information.
• 4:30 - First homework club. My learner didn’t get there until 6:30 but I got there early to help out a bit with organization.
• 8:00 - Got home. Done tutoring for the day. Grabbed a quick plate of supper and ate it as fast as I could.
• 8:30 - Logged into WoW to raid. Raided until 12:45 or something (might not have been that late, not sure) and then went to bed.

Is it any wonder I just want to sleep?

I haven’t been posting lately because I’ve been either super busy, sick, or in the middle of feeling down and didn’t want to bring my negativity out for everyone to see. I’m back now, though I feel bad that I’m posting this before a scheduled Weekend Wrap-Up tomorrow. It won’t stay at the top long but at least it’s a way to be sure nobody thinks I’ve abandoned writing about my life altogether.

I have a lot of thoughts that I want to get out, so bear with me, this may be long. Those of you reading this on LJ, sorry if it ends up taking up a whole page! Forgive me?

Alright, so my first thought is the seasons changing. I bought cider and donuts the other day and it was a great idea. Bad for my “diet”? Perhaps. But good for my mind so I allowed myself to do it. Cider and donuts has always been a special autumn thing for me. My family and I would go to the apple orchard every year when I was young and pick some apples, and then buy a few big jugs of cider and some plain donuts for dipping. Nobody here seems to understand that cider and donuts go together. It makes me a tiny bit homesick, but it’s nothing that I can’t handle. I have to just remember that just because it’s not already a common thing here doesn’t mean that I can’t bring it here to share!

I want to go out to the apple orchard/cider mill/pumpkin patch this year. I want to see a haunted house. I want to have a pumpkin spice Blizzard from DQ. I want to take a bunch of photos of the painting that nature is providing me with, so I can look at them and remember that autumn really is amazing and less depressing than just a segue into winter. I told Matt that I want him to take me to one of the above (orchard/mill/patch) this year since we have a new car and can get there without worrying about my car. I don’t know yet if we’ll go but I’m hoping we do.

Yes, we have a new car. Well, technically Matt does (since I don’t “exist” in Canada still) but it’s ours anyway. It’s gorgeous and wonderful and I love it. Matt needed it for the winter because my car doesn’t handle the snow properly and I really don’t need him to be in an accident. For those of you that don’t know, most of Halifax is on a hill, so in a rear wheel drive car on ice and snow, there’s pretty much nothing to do but close your eyes (as a passenger, not a driver!) and pray. For those wondering what kind of car it is, it’s a 2008 Pontiac G6. We got it from a dealer who slashed the price WAY down (yay!) and it was brand new - only 36km on it when we bought it (double yay!) so with the warranty and all the included options it was really a no-brainer. So far, we’re absolutely loving it! I don’t have any photos right now because the weather’s been pretty gloomy lately but I’ll share some when I have them.

As for what I’ve been up to these past few weeks, here’s some insight. I’ve been volunteering with Frontier College. I’m finding it to be rewarding in many ways. I’m helping our coordinator get on her feet (it’s her first year and so she’s pretty much trying to get everything started again!) and tutoring a young woman who is struggling to get her GED. She’s not been the most reliable for getting ahold of me but I’m trying to show her that I’m not giving up on her. I think that’s what these learners need - someone to rely on and someone who believes in them. Anyway, I’m going to volunteer training (my second session, even though I’ve attended one I figured another couldn’t hurt) today from 12-4. I’m liking the volunteering thing because it’s got me out of my comfort zone. I take the bus almost daily to get to the university (it really entails taking TWO buses, which was terrifying at first) and I make phone calls/attend meetings with people. I’m thinking the more I do and the more people I talk to and the more I get out of my comfort zone, the more valuable I feel, even to myself, and the more my confidence will start going back up.

It’s the very beginning of a new year, which for a lot of people means a fresh start. Matt thinks it’s nothing different than another day, but for me, I think it’s a perfect chance to reclaim my life. I made a lot of mistakes in the past year, which I’m not going to go into here. But now is the time for me to have a clean slate, a new beginning, and a fresh start.

Could I be any cheesier? Probably not. But that’s okay. Nobody said I can’t be cheesy on here!

I have a lot of things that I want to start doing. Now that I’ve had a couple weeks off from the gym, I’m going to start going regularly again. I’ve done it before, and then I let my depression get the best of me and found every possible excuse that I could. Yes, I was sore. No, I didn’t have a key. But that shouldn’t have stopped me. I should just go and do it because it’s what I need to do.

I’m going to stop biting my nails. This has been a bad habit of mine for as long as I can remember. I currently have two fingers on my right hand with long-ish nails, and I hope the rest will catch up to them instead of giving up on me.

I’m going to keep drinking as much water as I have been, which won’t be hard. I will start eating more meals in the day again, because I’ve stopped eating regularly again.

The last thing is a bit strange, but I know my friends will understand if they know me well enough. I’m going to spend more time being a functional human being. Instead of rolling out of bed and hopping on the computer, I’m going to get up, have a cup of tea and/or some breakfast, and change OUT of my pajamas. I got a few new pairs for Christmas and it dawned on me - that’s pretty much all I wear. I shower, I shave, I brush my teeth, but I don’t wear my jeans or nice tops. I don’t usually do my hair or makeup, either. Think what you will, but it’s just the way I’ve been lately.

All of these things about me are things that will be hard to stick with, but things I need to do for myself. I’m done hiding in my little shell here, done with not living my life in the way I need to!

Anyway, with all that said, I’m out of here. Going to go hang out with Matt’s siblings. Just because it’s after midnight doesn’t mean new year’s eve can’t be fun, right?

I can’t completely shake my funk lately. I’ve been a bit moody and lazy lately, with not much to blog about. I live a pretty boring life!

Matt and I went out to Arby’s today. We had no idea there was one here until the other day, so we decided to go today. It was good, but I’m feeling super guilty about all the calories I probably put into my body. We walked around Walmart and the new Best Buy for a while, and I haven’t eaten much else, so I’m trying to get the guilt out of my mind. It’s not the worst thing I could do!

I’m working on my 101 things list right now. Can you believe I’m more than half done? Craziness, if you ask me. There’s a lot to do still, and not everything on there is something I can expect to achieve, but I’m still trying! Right now I’m watching Pulp Fiction in an attempt to get back on track for my Films to See list.

I’m also (still!) working on organizing my music folder. So many things in so many different formats in random folders… It’s utter chaos in there! It might take me a while to do it but it’ll be refreshing after I’m done, that’s for sure.

That’s about it for now. I’m going to force myself to go to the gym tomorrow and possibly Saturday, too. Definitely need to kick my butt in gear again - I’m slacking and it’s so obvious and so bad.

This winter I vow to actually try to enjoy it. I know it sounds simple, but as I’ve posted multiple times recently, winter is a rough season for me. But this year I’ll pull through it. I have to!

My inspiration? These pictures. Winter really is gorgeous. I need to remember that and I need to give myself permission to relax and enjoy it. Everything will be fine, right?