I know most of you have not read YOU On A Diet but for those who have, you’ll appreciate what I need to say.

It’s time for a You-Turn for me. I need it. I’m very bloated, which has underlying reasons other than “I suck at eating healthy” but still, I need to work on it. Starting today, I’m getting back in focus. Gym tomorrow.

Tracking my calories. Tracking my exercise. No useless snacking for the sake of snacking. What’s the point? I kick my craving, but then I’m up a hundred pounds for the next week because I HAD to have those chips, HAD to have all that sodium and eventually just HAD to have the water retention. No, it’s silly. Not worth it.

Seriously, I should. I’ve said goodnight to my internet friends, logged the last of my food for the day, done the dishes, swept up the bathroom for the second time tonight (more on that later!) and brushed my teeth. Therefore, I should be in bed.

I had a lot of thoughts in my head, though, so I figured a quick blog post couldn’t hurt. Then I’m going to snuggle in bed with Matt and the kitten and put on an On Demand movie. Then dream-time, and hoping it’s not as bad as last night’s! That thing was insane, and it scared me!

Let’s see. Random thoughts everywhere. How about a list?

- Heating pads work wonders for sore wrists! It still hurts a bit, but not nearly as bad. Any improvement is good enough for me, I suppose!

- I’m very happy with my food log for today. I feel like I’m making healthy choices without much thought now, and that’s good! Habits are forming, lifestyle is changing, and I’m on the road to success!

- My legs are sore from all this walking. I’m supposed to do a half hour of walking every day, according to You: On A Diet. So far, the past few days, I’ve done it. I walked to Superstore, I walked around Superstore, I’ve even done laps around my kitchen and living room! Tomorrow, I’ll probably end up doing laps again. And doing laundry, so that’s a bit of walking, too. Darned multi-story apartment buildings with washers and dryers in the basement!

- Speaking of laundry… I only have enough change for one load. Darn it. One thing that really bugs me about this building is that there’s no change machine! Apparently there used to be a convenience store downstairs, so I could have even bugged them for the change, but now? Nothing! Why they’d take the machine out is beyond me. But it’s very inconvenient! I don’t want to drive, like, 20 minutes just to do laundry! Not to mention I have no clean clothes, really, so I can’t go to the bank in my PJs!

- The whole sweeping the bathroom twice thing? Yeah, that’s courtesy of Mew Mew. She’s a fantastic kitten, who likes playing in her litter too much. I think we need to get her either a bigger litter box, or a covered one. Probably covered. If I go more than a day without sweeping the bathroom, you can’t walk in there without getting your feet covered in litter. Ew!

Anyway, these are the random thoughts running through my head at… Whoa! 2:00 AM? No wonder I’m tired! Off to bed I go!

I didn’t sleep last night. It started out with me leveling Thaelani. Then, Matt had me watch a scary scene in a movie. Then, I ate some Doritos with refried beans, so I decided I’d have to wait to sleep for a while. Then I kept leveling Thae. I finally got super tired, so I decided to go to bed. As usual, I went to put on an on-demand movie, because I sleep better. I chose Little Miss Sunshine. Bad idea.

I got so intrigued by the movie that it is now quarter after eight in the morning, and I’m awake still! I may take a nap later, I may not. I suppose we’ll see.

Amy and I were going to go to the beach today, but the weather forecast looks pretty bleak. All day it says “overcast” and “rain” and that just will not do! I suppose we’ll see, though. We might do something.

I intend to bake a cake at some point today. Why, you ask? Because mine and Matt’s one year anniversary is tomorrow! The top of our wedding cake didn’t last the whole year due to a fairly disappointing wrapping job, so I’ll just make an easy cake for us, and we can eat that!

I’ve been reading more of You: On A Diet, and I really like it. One thing that has really caught my eye is the fact that they say that the amount of fat around your belly is a pretty good indicator of how much stress you have been dealing with. This explains a lot.

I was relatively tiny all my life, up until college. I started gaining weight as I went through an awful relationship with a guy that I’d rather just pretend doesn’t exist, was kicked out of my house, and then I went through a few different jobs and the emotional and mental stress with dealing with them, and the weight just kept coming. Then, I met another guy, went through some other life-changing events, got engaged, called off that engagement, met a man, fell madly in love with that man, moved out to Nova Scotia, then had to leave again after six months. Five months of living with my family, who I didn’t really get along with, then coming back out to Nova Scotia, getting married and then moving one more time. That’s a lot of stress for about five years. I have moved a total of seven times since I was 17. I’ve been engaged twice and married. I’ve dealt with bad jobs and good jobs, and family problems, and deaths in the family (four in the past year alone!). I planned a wedding 1400 miles away from my family, and none of them showed up, which was stressful. I haven’t made very many new friends, and I spend a lot of time alone in the apartment, because I’m shy and have low self-confidence. So, I’d say this weight around my belly is very justified. I’m not saying it’s good. I’m not saying it’s healthy. But each pound has a story of its own in a way, right?

That said, my life is settling down. I have an amazing husband and a wonderful marriage. A fantastic best friend who is there for me no matter what, even though she’s far away. An awesome pet who always knows just when I need her to cuddle with me. And so now, it’s time to get rid of the stress, let myself work through my mental issues, and get rid of this stress that’s built up, both emotionally/mentally and physically.

It’s time for a new me! But right now? This new me needs some breakfast and a cup of tea.