Words Unspoken|Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten.

Matt and I are headed to the post office today to mail my permanent residency application. Am I scared? Not as much as I have been in the past. See, I’ve spent two years staring at this application and praying that things would work out. Now, I’ve done all I can, and I’ve been told that I should be okay. I mean, why would they tear me from my husband? So we mail it, registered, and wait for the response. It’ll still be a while (QUITE a while!) but I don’t care; it’s worth the wait.

In celebration of mailing our paperwork, Matt and I will be heading downtown for the Busker Festival. He’s never seen it before, and I’m sure long-time readers will remember that I didn’t quite make it there last year so I’m excited to go and take some photos. And why wouldn’t I be?

On August 7th, the streets will come alive. For the 22nd year indoor theatres will be emptied and brought to the Halifax Waterfront, across 6 spectacular stages. Over 500 performances will take place between August 7-17th and crowds will be introduced to genuine ‘street theatre.’

Tell me that doesn’t sound cool. I’m so excited!

I am so fatigued lately. It’s not just tired - I know it’s not a lack of sleep because I’m on a more regular sleeping schedule lately than I have been in years. I’m just worn out. I haven’t been to the gym in a few days, but even Matt hasn’t given me a hard time because I’ve felt so miserable.

I’ve been working on my immigration forms and will be mailing them out this week. What should make me nervous feels like a big sigh of relief just on the horizon. Preparing to send them is stressing me out to my limits - “What if I forget something?” “What if this isn’t enough?” “What if something goes wrong?” - but I think once I mail them, I’ll be good. I keep hearing that after they’re sent is the easy part, so I’ll trust in that. I just go along with my life, one day at a time, and wait. I don’t have to do anything but wait. No more blaming myself for procrastination or for anxiety attacks. No more waking up in the middle of the night thinking “Oh my goodness, I’m going to be kicked out of the country for no reason”, just… relaxing. Living. That’ll be a nice change of pace.

Matt’s mom is home for the next two days. She’s been here since last week sometime, and while I don’t mind having her here, I am looking forward to her going back on vacation. There’s something about readjusting to not being the woman of the house that always stresses me out. I don’t feel like leaving my room and I end up feeling claustrophobic and lazy.

I’ve been sick the past few days too. Last night I left my raid early, after killing Archimonde for the first time, my raid group was heading over to Black Temple, but I was so sick. I had chest pains and an upset stomach and my third migraine in as many days. Lately my head just feels cloudy, like I’m walking around in a fog. I’m exhausted (like I said) and just… blah. I’m hoping this weekend will cure that. I’m house-sitting for Matt’s sister next week and am looking forward to a few days out in the middle of nowhere. I could use the silence.

Title quote from Benjamin Franklin

I spent my day at the library today. I know this sounds like a boring thing for most people, but for me, it’s like my own little slice of Heaven. I don’t care if the kids are loud - mind you, they were very loud today, and running on tables. I don’t care of people look at me funny. I don’t care about any of these things, as long as I get to be around things I care about - books! I know this might come as a surprise as I don’t mention it often, but I love books. I’ve been an avid reader since I was two. Yes, two. I was reading books and even parts of the newspaper as a toddler. Funny story, actually. My grandparents are always glad to tell it. I used to walk around with I Can Fly in my hand, reading it to anyone that would listen. They were so convinced I had memorized the words, but I kept telling them I was reading it. They finally believed me when they took the book and gave me a newspaper instead!

Anyway, back to the library. I spent all day there, looking at books. I took two out at one point in the morning, probably around noon if I had to guess. I went back and found about five more I wanted, so I decided to take those out as well! Went up to the self-scanner thing, put my library card under it, and what does it say? “Please visit the circulation desk to check out your books.” I’m thinking this must be some sort of fraud thing, since I’d already checked out books during that day, so I walk on up to the desk and explain that to the woman behind the counter. The next words out of her mouth crushed me, though: “Your card only allows you to check two out at a time.” Wait, WHAT? Two at a time? I have seven delicious books in my hand just waiting to be read, and I can only have two?

Thankfully, I was able to skim through a few of them before Matt came to pick me up and make a list of the ones I wanted for next time, so I know what to get out. I’m going to try to get my card up to “regular” status instead of this weird limited one. I think if I bring my temporary resident paper they’ll see my address and hey, it’s from the government! If not, I’ll have to get Matt to go back to get a new one, as he seems to have lost his, unfortunately. On the bright side, while hunting for his card (with no luck, of course) I came across a few letters and cards that we can add to our immigration pile for “proof” of our relationship. It still terrifies me that I’m putting my marriage in the hands of someone that I have never met, but I guess it’s a risk I have to take, since I’ve fallen in love with a Canadian man!

I’ve done more research on hypothyroidism over the past few days, and the more I read the more I realize that this has to be my problem. Once I have health care I think I’m going to go in to get it checked out, because it’ll be much better to know and have it treated. How amazing would it be if after struggling with anxiety, depression and weight gain (amongst other things, though those three are the most visible symptoms for me) that I would find out that none of it is my “fault” and that it can be treated? I’d be super relieved, not to mention the fact that perhaps for once my hard work when it comes to healthy eating and working out might actually finally pay off. I’m so over being fat and depressed.

I’m installing the Sims 2 right now. I uninstalled it because my previous installation was a mess - all random folders and tainted with custom content that didn’t work, and extra files in the game. It’ll be nice to have a clean slate to play on! I just hope I can have self-control and, oh, I don’t know, organization when it comes to custom content this time. No sense in messing up the game again. Especially not with this many installations, as they’d take forever to wade through and reinstall, like they are now!

Anyway, I believe I’m going to finish these installations and head to bed to watch some Spongebob (Hey, what can I say? I love the little yellow guy!) and read French Women Don’t Get Fat. I hope everyone has a wonderful night!

I’ve been very lazy about blogging the past few days, but that’s because I’ve been busy! Not busy doing anything spectacularly important, mind you. Just busy. Wasting time, I guess. I’ve been a bit antisocial, too, and I think it’s because I’m overwhelmed with my own stuff and while I completely appreciate that my friends come to me with their problems, I’m not doing a great job with handling them lately. So I do the best that I can and hope that they understand that I’m not trying to be a cold-hearted kind of person, but instead that I need to focus on straightening my life out first.

I’ve made a list of things that I need to do for immigration. The scary thing is that the list fits on one Post-It. I write big, too, so this means that it’s coming right down to the wire. I’ll be mailing it out hopefully by the end of the week. Scary? Yes. Terrifying. But I’m so ready for it all to be over already so I can move on with my life. The packet of information is already crazy thick, so I can’t wait to see just how thick it is when it’s done. Not to mention I’ll be waiting with my fingers crossed until the day that I get that envelope with the approval in it. Enough about that, though. I’ve already had my one allotted panic attack for the day regarding that!

I’ve spent the past three days at the beach. Not today, but the three days before that. Lots of sun, a bit of a burn, and lots of exercise. Swimming makes me happy. I prefer the ocean over lakes and to be honest, I prefer pools and wave pools over lakes too, but swimming is swimming and I’ll take it wherever I can get it! My shoulders and neck are a bit sore where they were burned but I have no regrets. I haven’t been out in the sun so much in over three years, so I’m well past due.

Last night Matt and I went with Jane and her boyfriend Rob to the casino for a thing with Matt’s coworkers. Jane and Rob are really close friends with Matt’s boss (they’re the reason he found out about the job!) so it was nice having them there. Another of Matt’s coworkers and his band were playing while we were there, and they were awesome! Absolutely fantastic band. It was nice to get out, have a night out, have some drinks and good music and just laugh. It felt so carefree. We gambled a tiny bit - when I say a tiny bit I mean that we used $10 in the slot machines and that was it. It was fun but we knew we didn’t want to spend too much. After the casino we decided that we really wanted some food (mind you, at this point I’d had a couple Smirnoff Ices and a Cosmopolitan, so I was along for the ride no matter where we were going!) so we stopped at a little pizza shop and got some take-out. Jane and I sat on the curb with our feet in the street and tried to figure out where everything was in relation to where we were standing (She definitely knew much more than I did about that!) while we waited for the food, and some crazy guy with no shoes came up asking for a light. After that, I managed to trip in a small hole in the sidewalk and skin my knee. Oh, the things you do when you’re a bit drunk. It was overall a great night though, honestly. I’d do it again in a heartbeat!

I’m debating whether to upload this short video that I have to youtube or not. It’s a guy at the casino that had obviously had a few drinks, and was apparently dancing with his daughter. Unfortunately he stopped shortly after I got the camera out, but I got some good footage! If I do upload it, you can bet I’ll be posting it here. It was one of the highlights of the night!

I have pink post-its lined up along the top shelf of my desk. A few of them I don’t need right now - a number I wrote for Matt, a shopping list that I actually already bought things from… I should get rid of those! But then there’s my friend Adam’s phone number, a list of materials for a shadow resist gear set for my priest (Yes, yes, nerdiness galore), a list of things to do to help my sister-in-law open up her site for her business. Then there’s two very important ones: what to do for the rest of my immigration forms. Those two little sticky notes tie my stomach in knots every time I see them. I need to get my immigration stuff done very soon, but it’s the kind of thing you wish you could put off forever.

I’ve managed to get little piles in my room of things that I’m in the middle of working on. A pile of forms I need to scan and email for my prize from the notworthit.ca contest. A PHP/MySQL book… well, actually three of them. A pile of magazines I need to go through. My immigration pile. A pile of basic GED books and GED math for finding out what I’ll need to know for my tutoring sessions. A pile of photo albums I want to scan.

I should get to cleaning and catching up on some of these projects. It’s a nice day, maybe I can convince Matt to go out and enjoy the sun in a bit!