I had an “adult” moment the other day. I used my first coupon - ever. I never quite understood the concept of using coupons, to be honest. I still kinda don’t. I’ve found one site that I get them mailed to me from, but other than that I don’t even know where to get them! I felt so proud of myself, though. It was only for a dollar off of some toilet paper, but I figure in the grand scheme of coupons, a dollar is a lot!

What are your favourite sites for getting coupons from? Do you find them in newspapers or anything like that? I’m looking specifically for Canadian ones, because those are the ones I have a hard time finding.

I think a few other defining moments in adulthood are worth mentioning. Some I haven’t discovered yet, and some I enjoy. One of the ones I haven’t experienced yet is ordering meats/fish/cheeses from the deli. I usually just buy the pre-packaged stuff. I remember growing up that my mom always went to the deli counter and had our lunch meat sliced there instead of the packaged meat, and let me tell you, it makes a difference. I just don’t have the nerve (or what I consider the know-how) yet to do this.

I will say that an amazingly “adult” moment in your life is when you’re handed a key to a home that you owned. I remember when I purchased my first home, I nearly cried when they gave me the key. I couldn’t get over the idea that I owned a home - I owned floors and walls and doors and could do anything that I wanted and nobody could tell me otherwise! I’m looking forward to that feeling again in a few years, once I’ve got a stable job and am settled here. At least I get a little taste of it in the summer when Matt’s parents are out of town!

Another adult moment worth mentioning is the day you decide to make a decision for yourself that changes your life. Whether it’s the decision to lose weight, to stop smoking or to have children (No, they’re not really comparable decisions, but they are alike in the fact that they’re life changing!), it’s a moment where you take charge of your life instead of waiting for someone to do it for you. It’s empowering, it’s impressive, and it’s scary, but you usually find it’s worth it in the end.

So, what do you consider an “adult” moment worth mentioning? Is there a moment when you sat down and thought “Wow, I’m not a kid anymore!”? Tell me about it!

It’s the very beginning of a new year, which for a lot of people means a fresh start. Matt thinks it’s nothing different than another day, but for me, I think it’s a perfect chance to reclaim my life. I made a lot of mistakes in the past year, which I’m not going to go into here. But now is the time for me to have a clean slate, a new beginning, and a fresh start.

Could I be any cheesier? Probably not. But that’s okay. Nobody said I can’t be cheesy on here!

I have a lot of things that I want to start doing. Now that I’ve had a couple weeks off from the gym, I’m going to start going regularly again. I’ve done it before, and then I let my depression get the best of me and found every possible excuse that I could. Yes, I was sore. No, I didn’t have a key. But that shouldn’t have stopped me. I should just go and do it because it’s what I need to do.

I’m going to stop biting my nails. This has been a bad habit of mine for as long as I can remember. I currently have two fingers on my right hand with long-ish nails, and I hope the rest will catch up to them instead of giving up on me.

I’m going to keep drinking as much water as I have been, which won’t be hard. I will start eating more meals in the day again, because I’ve stopped eating regularly again.

The last thing is a bit strange, but I know my friends will understand if they know me well enough. I’m going to spend more time being a functional human being. Instead of rolling out of bed and hopping on the computer, I’m going to get up, have a cup of tea and/or some breakfast, and change OUT of my pajamas. I got a few new pairs for Christmas and it dawned on me - that’s pretty much all I wear. I shower, I shave, I brush my teeth, but I don’t wear my jeans or nice tops. I don’t usually do my hair or makeup, either. Think what you will, but it’s just the way I’ve been lately.

All of these things about me are things that will be hard to stick with, but things I need to do for myself. I’m done hiding in my little shell here, done with not living my life in the way I need to!

Anyway, with all that said, I’m out of here. Going to go hang out with Matt’s siblings. Just because it’s after midnight doesn’t mean new year’s eve can’t be fun, right?

I’m so bored. Really. You know those moments when you don’t really feel like doing anything but you want something to do? Yeah, that’s what I’m going through right now. It doesn’t help that tonight’s Grey’s was a rerun. Ugh! Matt and I laid in bed to watch it and it was the first one of the season. I really hope I don’t have to wait too long to see the last part of the last episode. It had the best cliffhanger at the end!

I’m a bit sore. So far this week, I’ve went to the gym twice. Tomorrow will make my third day. Wednesday was a rough day for me. I got there and ran on the treadmill, then tried to go on the bike, and it just didn’t feel like it was working. I ended up talking to the fitness manager and crying. I felt like such a baby! She reassured me that it happens a lot and that it’s not an easy thing to do. Then she took me in the personal training room and weighed me and got my body fat percentage and gave me a goal to work for. She said to talk to her around Christmas and we’ll see how I’m progressing. She gave me a fitness plan to work for, too, which helps a lot. I was totally focusing on the wrong thing. It’s no wonder I haven’t seen progress in a couple months! I’m feeling refreshed and just in time, too, for the new month!

Christmas is coming soon. I’m not totally excited about it, just like I haven’t been the past few years, but I’m feeling a bit more excited this year than the past two, so that’s good. I’ve already bought some of Matt’s gifts and wrapped them. I’ve also bought Christmas cards and started addressing them. I’m trying to still force myself out of my “funk” and get happy and excited and be… well, be normal, I guess.

I was thinking today about what it’s like to be unique. I guess I’m unique - there’s nobody just like me in the world. Matt likes me for who I am, and I have a few friends that accept me the way I am, but I get the feeling a lot of people just write me off instead of giving me a chance. This makes me sad, but what’s a girl to do, right? I guess it’s hard for me to tell when I should just give up and when I should be persistent. I don’t want to seem like I don’t care, but I don’t want to come across as annoying, either. I’m so bad at this social thing, really.

So, I had a Smirnoff tonight left over from a few weeks ago. Not enough to get me drunk or reasonably tipsy but there is a buzz going on. Of course, you’d think I’d had the Smirnoff before I burned my finger on the stove. Yes, that’s right. The funniest part? I burned it making comfort food. Tomato soup and grilled cheese. Went to cut my sandwich and managed to hit my finger on the burner. Fantastic, huh? It’s got a little line across it now. The cat was snuggling it. I think she knew it hurt.

I think I may do some grocery shopping tomorrow. Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on how lazy I feel.

I’m starting to appreciate things in my life a lot more. I appreciate Matt so much right now. It’d be hard not to, with him being so fantastic and always right here when I need him. I appreciate Mew Mew, because, well, she’s the thing that makes me smile the most during the day. I appreciate all the work I’m putting in to losing weight, and how I’m seeing such progress now. I’m starting to finally get out of my own way, and I love it. I spend time doing more than playing World of Warcraft, though I still love it, and I’m starting to like myself more. Which is good, because it’s been apparent that people won’t like me until I like me!

Anyway, I dunno. I’m just starting to force myself to see things in a new light. Would you believe I even answered a “private name, private number” phone call today? Me, who is terrified of the telephone. Not that I’ll be doing that any more often than I need to, because usually it’s telemarketers anyway, but still. Yay, me, and yay, progress!

I’ve had some jitters for about an hour now, which I’m blaming on the cup of tea that I had this afternoon. I always get jittery after drinking tea. Maybe it’s because it’s very rare that I have caffeine, so my body doesn’t know what it’s doing.

The sun feels great right now. It’s shining in the window, and it’s starting to get chilly out (yay, autumn!) so the warm sun feels nice. Only thing about it is that it makes me wish it was summer again so I could go lay on the beach. I think I’m progressing, though. Mentally and emotionally. I had a huge setback last night, and I managed to get out of it anyway.

My dad was giving me a hard time. He knows how to get to me. He talks to me like we’re okay, and then drops a bomb on me. Instead of taking it, or trying to defend myself, I just said “I’m hanging up now. It was nice talking to you.” and put the phone down on him. Both myself and Matt have spent a bunch of time since then convincing me that it was the right thing to do. See, that’s how it works. I do something that makes me stronger and more independent, and then I feel guilty about it. But honestly, if I had my choice, I’d be able to start ignoring things like that, wipe my past from my memory and start completely fresh. I can’t do that, because family is family and I’d be an awful person if I just wrote them all off entirely, but I would like a clean slate. I’m so tired of trying to hold a decent conversation with someone and then being asked when I’m going back there. I don’t want to go back, and I can’t tell them that, because they’ll give me a hard time. It’s no longer about the law, the rules, the immigration stuff. I just want to get into the groove of things here, pull myself from the hole that everyone and everything back there has put me in, and move on with my life. I want to be in control, finally. That shouldn’t be too much to ask, I wouldn’t think.

I’ve been working more on my blanket that I started ages ago. I want to finish it so I have something nice and comfy to cuddle up with. I might post a picture later today, if I feel like it. I’m so lazy with my pictures. I’ve been leaving them on the camera for days, then tossing them in the folders (organized, of course) and not doing anything with them. Meh. Once I start getting back outside and doing things again (if, I guess, not once) I’ll start taking more pictures. I definitely want to go do a few things this fall, if I can convince Matt to do them with me.

Anyway, I think I’m going to get back to Everquest now. I’m trying to make the most of the free month that I’ve got, and it’s giving me a much-needed break from World of Warcraft. At least it kills the time when I’m bored!

Oh, also, I’ve now lost eleven pounds from when I first started seriously “dieting” - what an improvement! I think I’m finally on the right track.