I don’t know why, but it’s freezing in our room right now. I wonder if the rest of the apartment is as cold as this… Ok, nope, it’s not quite this cold. I wonder why. Our room is warmer than the rest of them in the summer and cooler than the rest of them when it’s cold out. It makes no sense!

Went to the gym today. Did ten minutes on the bike and went in for Body Attack and only made it halfway through before my hips and back were hurting so bad that I had to leave. I was disappointed, but not too disappointed, because hey, I made it there, right? That’s got to be a step in the right direction. If I’m not too sore tomorrow I might go again and do weights and some cardio. Maybe.

I feel like I need to get out more and do things. I think this summer will be good for me though - relaxing in the sun, going to the beach, hanging out in the apartment. I have plans, but nothing too serious. We’ll see how it goes!

Last but not least: 3 days until Sex and the City! *squeal*

The weather lately is driving me insane. I want it to be sunny and warm already. One day, it’ll be cold and there will be snow. The next day, it’ll be sunny and warm. Last night? We had a rainstorm. Yes, rain. Earlier in the week, they were expecting a snowstorm - almost a blizzard. Nope, it rained.

Once the weather gets warmer I might start walking places or try to figure out the bus system and head downtown. I really want to go downtown by myself and walk around taking photos, but I’m afraid to for some reason. I’d like to convince Matt to take the bus with me one time so I can see exactly what I need to do, where to go from, where to go to, how to get back… He’s not a fan of any of it though. He doesn’t want to walk around downtown, he hates the bus, he hates going out for no reason. So I think I’ll have to stay here. It’s nothing against him, he just doesn’t like to do it.

I think that’s another thing I need to work on. I need to be more confident and self-assured. I can’t keep depending on someone to hold my hand when I do everything, but really, right now, I have no choice. I hate being here in this “new” place and not knowing anyone or being able to do anything myself. I feel like I’m 8 years old or something.

You know how some people have a list of things to do around the house? You know, sweep, vacuum, dust, garbage, dishes, etc. Well, I have a list of things to fix about myself.

• Weight. I need to lose a lot of weight and keep it off.
• Self-confidence. I need to be able to say “I can do this” and actually believe it. About anything.
• Friends. I need to make local friends and stop being a recluse. I’m not as miserable about it as I was, but I still get lonely from time to time.
• Immigration. I need to finish this. That’s obvious, though. It’s in progress, though.

I mostly just need to start living more for myself and not waiting. What am I waiting for?

Today was an emotional day. I’m okay, there’s nothing wrong, but I just felt emotional. I was angry, then depressed, then happy. I wish I knew why, but I figured it would pass, and it’s seeming to. I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Because I wasn’t feeling too hot, we ordered pizza. Yum! I’m a fan of Domino’s, even though I know pizza isn’t the healthiest. I’m still determined to start fresh tomorrow. The forecast says there isn’t supposed be snow, so I’ll be able to go to the gym. I’m thinking I’ll go in the early evening and go to a body jam class.

I’m playing the Sims again. I’m loving the new expansion pack! I’ve got my second Legacy generation to the point of being toddlers. I hope I can get further this time than the other times. The new expansion makes it more fun to play, though!

Mew Mew is just like every other cat I’ve ever had in one way, and one way only - she always knows when I need a buddy. She’s been laying here on my computer for the past 20 minutes, just laying and letting me pet her.

Cats are good friends for that reason. They’re there when you need them, without judging or getting irritated, unless you poke them or something, but that’s your own fault.

It’s strange that it’s 3:00 and people are still sleeping. Matt and I may go see his brother in the hospital. It’s up to Matt, because I don’t know how to get there or anything, but I think it’d be nice to go see him. You know, considering he just had surgery and all.

I haven’t mailed out my Christmas cards yet, which probably makes me a bad Christmas Card writer, but in light of recent events, I think it’s a good thing that I didn’t. Save me some stamps!

Anyway, do you believe in New Years’ Resolutions? I don’t, really. But one big thing that I’m going to do, starting now, is change things for myself. I was putting an emphasis on the wrong types of relationships, and I didn’t even realize it until now. The people that care about me are important to me, and instead of looking for new ones, the relationships with the ones I have now can be better. Why try to be someone that I’m not to impress someone that, quite frankly, I’ll never be good enough for? Not worth it. I might as well just take control of my life and be happy myself!

Anyway, this is getting boring, so I’m going to stop and lounge around being lazy. It’s a lazy kind of day.

I feel down. I’m not sure if it’s depression, or boredom, or both. Probably both. I’ve been upbeat and peppy (or trying to be) for the past few days. I’m not sure if it suits me anymore.

Jane and I went to a tavern around the corner on Saturday and had some fun. Way too much to drink, but we didn’t even pay for all of them. It’s the first time someone has bought me a drink that I didn’t know! It was some strange milestone in a way, I guess. I’ve decided not to go out drinking much anymore, though. As fun as it is to get out there and dance and have some fun, I can have fun without alcohol in my system, too. The bloated feeling the next day and the extra pounds are so not worth it. Not to mention the price of the tab at the end of the night.

The guy we were talking to and Jane both told me that I’m the kind of person everyone likes to talk to. Apparently I’m happy, bubbly and fun. I think it was the alcohol talking. Though, I was very bubbly and happy in high school. Where exactly did that person go? These days I’m lucky if I leave my bedroom.

I guess I’m still just trying to figure out where I fit, or something. Who knows. I just feel lonely. Which is funny, because I’ve seen more people in the past two weeks than I have in the past two years before that combined.