Today’s Ten on Tuesday is a hard one. “Brag about yourself” has never been my choice of memes to fill out, but I suppose I should do it. So, if I seem conceited (which I promise I never am!) please just move along and don’t tell me. All I need to do is think of ten things that make me proud, which seems like a daunting task anyway.

1. I have fantastic hair.
2. I am good at remembering things.
3. I have a knack for making connections - even if it’s just between actors on a TV show or movie.
4. I made a big change in my life, and it was for the better.
5. I’ve faced my fear and spent the past month sleeping normal hours, even though it was not easy for me.
6. I am a nice person. I’m almost too nice, but only sometimes.
7. I’m actually very intelligent. Most of the time I’m afraid to show it, for fear of looking like a know-it-all.
8. I’m very good with children. Most of the time they like me immediately.
9. I’m a good cook, when I can get over the fear of leaving my bedroom.
10. I’m very good with grammar and spelling. I’m also a fairly good writer, when I get a good topic into my head to write about!

Wow, I did it. Ten things that I’m proud of. Now let’s hope people don’t think I’m a snob for writing them!

My wrists hurt. And I’m grumpy. That’s not a good way to be.

I looked in the mirror today and thought “ew” - this wasn’t a good thing. I don’t know if it’s the weight, or the fact that my skin is less than perfect right now (stupid humidity), or just because I’m gloomy. I’d love to lose this weight but the motivation just isn’t there the way it’ll need to be there if I want to actually do anything about it. I’m honest and I admit that.

Part of it is the fact that I don’t really have a say as to what kinds of food come in the house. Part of it is the fact that I don’t have much to do with my days and that there’s not much to do. I’d go walk somewhere, but I wouldn’t get back into my apartment, because I don’t have a copy of the key. I’ve tried exercise videos, but this bedroom is so hot that doing them is damned near impossible.

Hopefully someday I’ll be comfortable in my skin. In the meantime, I get to bitch about it! Go, me!

I’m watching X-Weighted right now, and it’s brought some questions up in my mind about self-confidence and self-esteem.

The self-esteem coach on the show told Naomi that her big “problem” is with her self-confidence. She has clothes that fit her body and she’s a gorgeous woman, but she’s very uncomfortable with herself and it’s hurting her.

This comes back to me, in my head. Obviously Matt finds me attractive, or else he wouldn’t have married me. I have friends that hear me bitch about my appearance or my size and tell me that I’m pretty and that I don’t look like I’m huge and disgusting. But huge and disgusting is how I see myself sometimes.

How does one change this? If there’s nothing left to do on the outside to bring yourself out, then how do you bring out a more confident person from what obviously isn’t self-confidence? Does this self-esteem just materialize? What can a person do so that they start to love the person that they are?