I am so fatigued lately. It’s not just tired - I know it’s not a lack of sleep because I’m on a more regular sleeping schedule lately than I have been in years. I’m just worn out. I haven’t been to the gym in a few days, but even Matt hasn’t given me a hard time because I’ve felt so miserable.

I’ve been working on my immigration forms and will be mailing them out this week. What should make me nervous feels like a big sigh of relief just on the horizon. Preparing to send them is stressing me out to my limits - “What if I forget something?” “What if this isn’t enough?” “What if something goes wrong?” - but I think once I mail them, I’ll be good. I keep hearing that after they’re sent is the easy part, so I’ll trust in that. I just go along with my life, one day at a time, and wait. I don’t have to do anything but wait. No more blaming myself for procrastination or for anxiety attacks. No more waking up in the middle of the night thinking “Oh my goodness, I’m going to be kicked out of the country for no reason”, just… relaxing. Living. That’ll be a nice change of pace.

Matt’s mom is home for the next two days. She’s been here since last week sometime, and while I don’t mind having her here, I am looking forward to her going back on vacation. There’s something about readjusting to not being the woman of the house that always stresses me out. I don’t feel like leaving my room and I end up feeling claustrophobic and lazy.

I’ve been sick the past few days too. Last night I left my raid early, after killing Archimonde for the first time, my raid group was heading over to Black Temple, but I was so sick. I had chest pains and an upset stomach and my third migraine in as many days. Lately my head just feels cloudy, like I’m walking around in a fog. I’m exhausted (like I said) and just… blah. I’m hoping this weekend will cure that. I’m house-sitting for Matt’s sister next week and am looking forward to a few days out in the middle of nowhere. I could use the silence.

Title quote from Benjamin Franklin

I’m getting in the habit of eating healthy and exercising now. I’m kinda on a roll, to be honest. I have done some form of exercise (either a walk or Turbo Jam) every day since last Sunday. I’ve done strength training for the past three days. I’ve stayed within my food intake limits every single day this week. I’ve drank upwards of 8 glasses - usually around ten! - every day. And today, I started a multivitamin.

I’m seeing progress, too. I’ve lost yet another pound, which puts me down 4 pounds from my starting weight. Slow progress is better than no progress, in my opinion.

So, since all my poor friends have heard about for the past few days is my diet/exercise/whatever, time to talk about other things!

Last night, my raiding team took on Void Reaver for the first time. What a fun fight! I was very scared, reading the strategy, when I saw this:

Threat is an issue for high-threat generating classes, particularly shadow priests, so be careful: your threat will also be increased by healing your group members that get hit by Arcane Orbs.

However, I was able to maintain my threat and survive! Well, until the tank died. Y’know. But things happen. We got him to, like, 36% or something on our second try. Sadly, the amount of trash there is and the difficult pulls only gave us two tries on Void Reaver. By the time the second time came around, we had respawns all through the instance and couldn’t go any further. Regardless, it was fantastic fun and I was so excited to see something different for a change!

Kim, my shadow priest, is doing rather well in the gear department. She needs a few more things from Karazhan and one item from Heroic badges, but she’s starting to look pretty good!

Anyway, I think I’m going to play The Movies. Haven’t played it in a while, and decided it sounded like fun!

Seriously, I should. I’ve said goodnight to my internet friends, logged the last of my food for the day, done the dishes, swept up the bathroom for the second time tonight (more on that later!) and brushed my teeth. Therefore, I should be in bed.

I had a lot of thoughts in my head, though, so I figured a quick blog post couldn’t hurt. Then I’m going to snuggle in bed with Matt and the kitten and put on an On Demand movie. Then dream-time, and hoping it’s not as bad as last night’s! That thing was insane, and it scared me!

Let’s see. Random thoughts everywhere. How about a list?

- Heating pads work wonders for sore wrists! It still hurts a bit, but not nearly as bad. Any improvement is good enough for me, I suppose!

- I’m very happy with my food log for today. I feel like I’m making healthy choices without much thought now, and that’s good! Habits are forming, lifestyle is changing, and I’m on the road to success!

- My legs are sore from all this walking. I’m supposed to do a half hour of walking every day, according to You: On A Diet. So far, the past few days, I’ve done it. I walked to Superstore, I walked around Superstore, I’ve even done laps around my kitchen and living room! Tomorrow, I’ll probably end up doing laps again. And doing laundry, so that’s a bit of walking, too. Darned multi-story apartment buildings with washers and dryers in the basement!

- Speaking of laundry… I only have enough change for one load. Darn it. One thing that really bugs me about this building is that there’s no change machine! Apparently there used to be a convenience store downstairs, so I could have even bugged them for the change, but now? Nothing! Why they’d take the machine out is beyond me. But it’s very inconvenient! I don’t want to drive, like, 20 minutes just to do laundry! Not to mention I have no clean clothes, really, so I can’t go to the bank in my PJs!

- The whole sweeping the bathroom twice thing? Yeah, that’s courtesy of Mew Mew. She’s a fantastic kitten, who likes playing in her litter too much. I think we need to get her either a bigger litter box, or a covered one. Probably covered. If I go more than a day without sweeping the bathroom, you can’t walk in there without getting your feet covered in litter. Ew!

Anyway, these are the random thoughts running through my head at… Whoa! 2:00 AM? No wonder I’m tired! Off to bed I go!

I didn’t sleep last night. It started out with me leveling Thaelani. Then, Matt had me watch a scary scene in a movie. Then, I ate some Doritos with refried beans, so I decided I’d have to wait to sleep for a while. Then I kept leveling Thae. I finally got super tired, so I decided to go to bed. As usual, I went to put on an on-demand movie, because I sleep better. I chose Little Miss Sunshine. Bad idea.

I got so intrigued by the movie that it is now quarter after eight in the morning, and I’m awake still! I may take a nap later, I may not. I suppose we’ll see.

Amy and I were going to go to the beach today, but the weather forecast looks pretty bleak. All day it says “overcast” and “rain” and that just will not do! I suppose we’ll see, though. We might do something.

I intend to bake a cake at some point today. Why, you ask? Because mine and Matt’s one year anniversary is tomorrow! The top of our wedding cake didn’t last the whole year due to a fairly disappointing wrapping job, so I’ll just make an easy cake for us, and we can eat that!

I’ve been reading more of You: On A Diet, and I really like it. One thing that has really caught my eye is the fact that they say that the amount of fat around your belly is a pretty good indicator of how much stress you have been dealing with. This explains a lot.

I was relatively tiny all my life, up until college. I started gaining weight as I went through an awful relationship with a guy that I’d rather just pretend doesn’t exist, was kicked out of my house, and then I went through a few different jobs and the emotional and mental stress with dealing with them, and the weight just kept coming. Then, I met another guy, went through some other life-changing events, got engaged, called off that engagement, met a man, fell madly in love with that man, moved out to Nova Scotia, then had to leave again after six months. Five months of living with my family, who I didn’t really get along with, then coming back out to Nova Scotia, getting married and then moving one more time. That’s a lot of stress for about five years. I have moved a total of seven times since I was 17. I’ve been engaged twice and married. I’ve dealt with bad jobs and good jobs, and family problems, and deaths in the family (four in the past year alone!). I planned a wedding 1400 miles away from my family, and none of them showed up, which was stressful. I haven’t made very many new friends, and I spend a lot of time alone in the apartment, because I’m shy and have low self-confidence. So, I’d say this weight around my belly is very justified. I’m not saying it’s good. I’m not saying it’s healthy. But each pound has a story of its own in a way, right?

That said, my life is settling down. I have an amazing husband and a wonderful marriage. A fantastic best friend who is there for me no matter what, even though she’s far away. An awesome pet who always knows just when I need her to cuddle with me. And so now, it’s time to get rid of the stress, let myself work through my mental issues, and get rid of this stress that’s built up, both emotionally/mentally and physically.

It’s time for a new me! But right now? This new me needs some breakfast and a cup of tea.

I was up all night. I intended to go to bed, I really did. But then I got involved in organizing my pictures (over 4,000 files at its worst!) and wanted to get a significant chunk of that done. Finally, I decided that I had done enough, and that I was exhausted and wanted to go to bed.

I went to bed and put Employee of the Month on TV, because On-Demand rocks, and I usually fall right to sleep when watching a movie. Not this time, though. I just could not fall asleep! I made it through that movie and put on Running with Scissors but I couldn’t concentrate on it. My ribs started hurting from a very irritating sneeze that wouldn’t come out, and so I got up and stretched my chest out, and decided to go on the computer. I made myself breakfast (rice and milk with tea to drink) and finished up my pictures. I restarted my computer to clear out some weird stuck files, and decided to take a shower, then a relaxing bath.

After this, I managed to feel tired enough to go to sleep! I told Matt that it was only to be a nap, nothing more, and that if he got a call, he needed to wake me up before he left and make sure I got out of bed, and at least on the computer. This way I wouldn’t sleep all day and really screw up my sleeping schedule.

And, here I am! Bright eyed, and bushy-tai… whatever. A bit tired, but not so bad! I need to put my laundry away and put the dishes from last night away. I started organizing my jewelry in a new way, so I need to work on that. I’ve also started fixing some bracelets (they were beaded on wire, but the wire kept cutting the outside of my wrists because it wasn’t finished well, so I’m moving each one to stretchy jewelry string) which I need to finish up.

I’ve decided that I’m going to (eventually) get some fabric and get Matt’s mom’s sewing machine down and try my hand at making this shopping bag for grocery shopping. It’s convenient, and will be great for at least smaller trips. Mew Mew loves plastic bags, but I don’t love waking up to the rustling of them every morning!