I bought a pair of jeans yesterday. Now, I have been in a size 14 in every pair of pants that I’ve bought in months.

But somehow (magically, maybe?) these are a size 12 and they FIT! Like, I can button them and everything! That’s two pairs of 12’s that I’ve bought - different brands!

I’m so excited.

And my grandma asked me if I’ve lost weight. That’s a sure sign, there.

12-year-olds running around with Louis Vuitton purses and Tiffany jewelry? Well, I suppose if their families are rich then that’s fine, whatever. Not that a 12-year-old is likely to understand the full value of a purse that cost a few hundred dollars, but still, that’s the parents’ problem, not mine. But these girls treating me like I’m pond scum because I’m working in the store that they’re shopping at? Riiiiight.

Also… for future reference…

1.) The cash register is a place to finalize your purchases. You make your selection while still on the sales floor. Don’t get your stuff together, come to the register, and then proceed to make people wait in line while you decide which stuff you want. Sidenote: having money helps too - it’s hard to pay when your wallet is in the car!

2.) No, I WILL NOT hold anything for you while you go get your boyfriend/fiance/husband. We can only hold stuff while you are IN THE STORE. It’s not my fault that he pays for all of your stuff and I won’t allow you to sign for his credit card. Support yourself - independent women really are cool, I swear. If you can’t stoop so low as to pay for your own stuff, at least have him add you to his account and get a card with YOUR name on it. Otherwise, you can huff and puff and roll your eyes ALL YOU WANT - I’m not gonna budge.

3.) Final sale means, well, final sale. Not “final sale except for this one lady who decided she doesn’t like her skirt and wants her money back - she’s just so cool that we let her around ALL the rules” - that would be impossible to explain. You are not above the rules because you shop here - we’re above you. Think about it - you’re giving US your money (or his money - see #2 above) and we decide how we care to use it.

4.) When you put the clothes on the counter, what is with the obsession to lay them down and then fold the hanger back over the clothes, TOWARD YOU? Don’t you realize that I have to get that hanger off of the clothes and don’t feel like groping your boobs because you put the hanger right next to them?

5.) And on that note, taking the hangers off the clothes for me might seem like you’re being helpful, but guess what? You’re not! I’ve got a routine that I do, and you screw me ALL up when you’re trying to rearrange everything. And folding the clothes? What a waste of your precious time and energy! Think about it - unless you want that inktag sensor permanently on your clothes (well, big, gaudy jewelry is in this season), I have to actually UNFOLD the clothes to get to it and remove it. So that means you fold it, I unfold it, and then I fold it again. And then you tap your toes impatiently because you’re in a hurry? If I didn’t have to refold everything, I’d be MUCH faster!

More to come later. I feel that the fun is only beginning.