I had a girls’ night in over at Matt’s sisters with our “nieces” - I put that in quotes because while technically, they’re our nieces, they’re old enough to be our cousins, so it’s just weird.

I haven’t heard a word from Matt today. Of course, this means that I’m worried about him, but he’s already off-line so I can’t talk to him.

As usual, missing him like crazy. Not like that’s going to change.

I just wish he would have emailed me like I asked. I hate worrying.

I always feel guilty on ultra-religious holidays like Good Friday. I grew up very much into my religion. As my parents stopped getting along and our family started falling apart, we stopped going to church, I stopped teaching Sunday School, and I stopped formally praying. I remember every night before bed saying my prayers when I was young. Now I say something once in a while, but not that often, and that makes me feel neglectful and hypocritical. I hate asking for things or for help when I can’t even get myself to church on Sunday.

I don’t know anybody in this town, and I’d feel weird just walking into a church and saying “Hey, what’s up?” and sitting with them. It’s always been, to me, a very tight-knit community thing, going to church, and I don’t feel like I belong quite well enough yet. I grew up in two cities - when I was younger I went to the same church that I was baptized in, that my parents were married in, and that my sisters were both baptized in. When we moved “up north” we lived in a TINY little city, where everyone in our religion went to the same church, and so it wasn’t a weird deal just going there. I joined the youth group, where we did all sorts of things. They even went to Rome one year! We put on Halloween events - the Haunted Forest was a big hit every year and was so fun to do! When I was having my family troubles and dealing with my dad and my depression was starting to set in, they were there for me. They gave me books and talked me through it and gave me a place to feel comfortable when everyone else was so scary to me. I miss that.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on Good Friday. Thank goodness there are still holidays left that aren’t just for the cards and presents, right?

I couldn’t sleep, so I decided a new layout was in order. It’ll bring in the perkiness of spring instead of the gloominess of winter!

The only thing I’m having trouble with is the SK2 thing on the footer. I don’t want it that colour! But I can’t find it anywhere in the code or in any options, so I figure it’s okay until I figure something out.

Edit: I gave up on SK2 for now. I don’t have the patience, really. It had too many errors in the menus right now and I don’t really know why, so I’m going to give myself a little while without it and maybe try it again when I’m feeling smart.

What do you think?

Today was a good day. I wasn’t feeling well due to female problems, but Matt cheered me up. And he treated me very well. I’m getting over my insecurity little by little. At least now I know that he does find me attractive, even from that far away.

Being without him is getting easier. It’s still not my preferred way of life, and it never will be, but I didn’t break down crying more than a couple times today.

On a completely unrelated note, my wrist is cut! I wish I knew what it was from, and boy does it hurt!