How is everyone? I feel bad that I’ve been so anti-social but I’m dealing with a mess of personal issues that I don’t really want to or know how to talk about with anyone, so I’m dealing with them silently. That’s part of why I’m avoiding socializing online right now… I don’t need more drama to add to the mess that’s in my brain! That said, I hope everyone’s well. My self-induced solitude is a bit depressing and lonely, but I’ll work through it.

I found out Matt’s sister is coming to town for Christmas. The word Christmas gives me a shiver and makes me want to curl up in a ball, but I’ll get past that. I just wish there was a way to make it all go away so I can think about what used to be the happiest time of the year for me be that way again! I think it’s because bad things always happen to me in the winter, and I’m terrified what’s next.

Anyway, I’m trying to get back on track with my diet. I did lots of working out today and counted every calorie that went into my body, which is good. I’m really trying - I want to lose the weight pretty badly and with myself feeling so low I could use the rush that exercise gives me. Only problem was that today I pushed myself too hard and got to the point where I physically couldn’t continue - I collapsed into my chair and didn’t get up for about two hours. I’m just sick of the number on the scale and I want to make it go far, far away!

I really hope you all don’t have to read all this depressing crap until next spring. I want something fun to write about, I do! But I don’t go anywhere or do anything, and I don’t really have many people to talk to, so I just post about the same old crap every day! What’s more fun, reading about how I did absolutely the exact same thing as yesterday and last week, or not seeing me post at all? That’s not a rhetorical question, by the way. If anyone actually reads this, I want answers!