…I’ve opened up this page probably ten times today to post, and haven’t had a ton to say. I don’t know why, really. I’m just moody lately.

Yesterday was eventful. I ate everything in sight the night before (bad, I know) and was feeling horribly guilty about it, but I was feeling too down/lazy to want to go to the gym. Finally Matt told me to gather stuff up for the storm today, so I had to go to Superstore, so I had to go to the gym. Why go to Superstore on a gym day (every other day) if I wasn’t going to go to the gym?

I worked harder at the gym than I have yet. I didn’t do any ab-work because I was too embarrassed, which I need to get over. But I did 30 minutes on the bike at level 6 (I’m usually doing it on level 1, sometimes 2), then 12 minutes on the elliptical, doubling my first time and adding two minutes since last time. A bit of an improvement. I also added 5 pounds to some of the weights that I was using. I felt better and walked into the grocery store smiling afterward.

I spent a bit of time gathering food/supplies and checked out. The lines were seriously long since everyone was preparing for the storm. I didn’t mind too much, though. There was a couple two places in front of me that I was terribly curious of. They had six jugs of cat litter (no joke!), 40 or so cans of spaghetti/ravioli/canned veggies, and all in all had almost $400 worth of groceries. I wonder how much the cat litter was alone! What surprised me was that they only had litter and no cat food. Either they really hate buying litter, or they were doing something with it today. Maybe they live on a hill and needed sandbags or something, I don’t know. Anyway, it was an interesting sight.

From there, I started to drive home. Same way I drive home every other day. “Photograph” by Nickelback came on and I felt really emotional for some reason and started crying, and then managed to get lost. In the tiny (10 minutes? Tops?) drive home, I got lost. So lost, in fact, that I could have visited Amy, for those of you who know where she/I live(s). For those of you that don’t… I went about a half hour out of the way to get home - 10 minutes from the grocery store. Seriously. How I did that, I’ll never know.

Today, we’ve got a huge storm. Hurricane Noel, to be exact. I’ve never seen a hurricane in person - not even the tail end of one, so I don’t know what to expect. Matt’s all excited, but I just hope the power doesn’t go out. Just in case, I have plenty of candles and I even got Clue yesterday (not to mention we have Monopoly, too!) to keep us occupied.

If the weather’s not too bad tomorrow, I’ll be going back to the gym. I’ll forgive myself if I skip tomorrow and start a new routine the day after because of the weather. I’m still beating myself up over all the junk food lately. Chips, lasagna, chocolate… I just feel horrible about it all. I know I can get back on track, that’s not the question. The question is how? And when? I can’t keep putting it off. I’m hovering at a weight that I don’t like, and I want to see results! I think that’s part of what’s got me so down lately. It really is a vicious cycle. I “screw up” on my eating, then I get depressed. Because I’m depressed, I eat everything in sight, which spins me back toward feeling depressed yet again. I want out of this cycle!