I know, I know. Autumn has been here for ages. But it’s really here.

The other day, I was laying in bed with the window and the curtains open. I felt the cold breeze blow in, and I called Matt over to sit by me. I told him to smell the air outside the window. Usually, doing that would mean that we were going to get a whiff of cigarette smoke, or other smoke. Not this time, though. This time it was the smell of snow.

We didn’t get any snow, of course. But the air was cold and crisp and smelled like the first snow of winter. Instead of making me cry because I was sad, however, I wanted to cry because I felt happy. I don’t know what it was.

I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Feeling overwhelming joy and wanting to cry. I did that during my workout the other day. I don’t know exactly what it is, but it’s almost like I’m so happy that I’m overflowing. Isn’t that weird? It’s like I’m suddenly so happy that I’m making up for lost time. All the time I spent sad and unhappy and scared and depressed. I’m still all of those things, but a lot less often, and usually a lot less intense.

Today I bought a Glade Scented Oil Candle in Apple Cinnamon. I lit that along with one of my pumpkin spice candles, opened the window, and drank a glass of sweet apple cider. I forgot how much I really do love autumn, with all of the sadness and problems that the colder months have brought me in the past couple years.

Someone brought up Thanksgiving over on Midnight and I got a bit sad. I do miss going to my Grandma’s house every Thanksgiving and eating her huge home-cooked meal and seeing all of my family. I wish she could come out here and meet Matt, and see the city. She’d like it here, I think. It’s very much her kind of city.

See what Autumn does to me? It makes me feel all emotional.

You know what I want to do? Get a big pile of leaves and jump in it. Sigh. If only I was a kid again.