I fell asleep with my glasses on last night (whoops!) and so I have bruised the side of my nose. Apparently I’m a violent sleeper, or something.

Speaking of sleeping, Matt said I half woke up the other night and started grasping at something in the air, asking “Do you see that?” I don’t remember it, but apparently I rolled right back over once he said “Shh, you’re half asleep” and started sleeping again. I love when people do random things in their sleep, myself included. Once, Matt told me to keep building my boat. Which… yeah. There are no words, since it’s pretty obvious that I wasn’t building a boat at 2:00 in the morning in our bedroom.

I went to the gym Wednesday and worked so hard even -I- was surprised! I did:

• Treadmill - 15 minutes, 3.0 speed (brisk walking)
• Abs & Back class - 30 minutes (I did better than last time, yay!)
• Lower Back - 12 reps, 85 lbs.
• Leg Extension: 12 reps, 45 lbs.
• Leg Curl - 12 reps, 55 lbs.
• Leg Press/Squat - 12 reps, 60 lbs.
• Seated Row - 8 reps, 45 lbs.
• Chest Press - 12 reps, 25 lbs.
• Shoulder Lateral Raise - 4 reps, 20 lbs.
• Bicep - 10 reps, 25 lbs.

I didn’t do triceps because by that point I was too tired, but I felt so good leaving there that I was happy anyway. I also talked to a trainer and she’s going to give me a complimentary consultation one of these days. She’s the one that was running the Abs & Back class. She’s also the one I’ve seen running the Body Flow classes that I loved so much before. Maybe I’ll go to one of those tomorrow evening. They have one at 5:30! Today, I did a workout on Yourself! Fitness for 15 minutes. A cardio workout. I was a bit tired and still sore from yesterday but I made it all the way through. I was so proud of myself!

I talked to my Grandma today. I love talking to her. The way she sounds when she realizes it’s me, the fact that I can hear her laughing and smiling - it warms my heart. She’s still mourning the loss of my Uncle Jimmy and not everyone understands that she needs people there for her. Her kids, all seven of them, are busy and don’t have a lot of time to spend with her, but she appreciates everything that I have to say. We talked about weight loss, and about having children, and about marriage. We talked extensively about depression. She has a friend on Wellbutrin - the same medication I was on in high school - and she was telling me about how her friend has her good days, where she seems perfectly fine, and her bad days, where she doesn’t get out of her pajamas and stays in bed all day.

I know how that feels. She could have been talking about me, to myself, in that conversation. There are days when even breathing just seems too hard, and where I just want to stay in bed. But lately, I’ve had fewer of those days. I hope to have even fewer as time goes on, and I suppose we’ll just see where that leads me. At the moment, I have a very good support system. I have great friends (even if they’re all online friends, that doesn’t devalue the friendship in any way), a fantastic husband, and wonderful talks with my Grandma to pull me out of the dark times.